Remembrance
by Gaia Less
Summary: Post-Requiem. Scully, raising her child alone, hasn't seen Mulder in years since his abduction.


remembrance

TITLE: Remembrance  
AUTHOR: Gaia Less  
RATING: G  
SPOILERS: Requiem  
SUMMARY: Scully, raising her child alone, hasn't seen Mulder in years since his abduction.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Mulder, Scully, or anyone else you might recognize from the series. They are owned by Chris Carter, 1013, and Fox. I dont own them. No copyright infringement is intended. I didn;t create em, I'm just playing with them. I'll give them back when I'm done. Promise!! Please don't sue me...   
  
Archive anywhere, but please get my permission first :) tis as easy as emailing me and saying, Yo, Gaia, I wanna put your fanfic, [title here], on my site, okay? You can even simply cut and paste that sentence into an email document! I will reply with something along the lines of Hey, that's cool. Promote me! Yeah! Sweeeeet. See? Tis VERY easy :) Wowwww. Hehe  
  
notes and such at the end  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Remembrance  
by Dena  
  
[somewhere], CA  
  
I hold my daughter's hand as we walk into the church. Familiar faces smile at us on our way in. I smile back, saying hello to some people. My daughter and I have been attending this church since we moved out here almost five years ago, after she was born.  
  
I drop Lauren off in the choir room to rehearse with the children's choir, and go upstairs to take my usual seat in the balcony.  
  
I like sitting in the balcony. You can see everyone from up there. I scan the crowd, looking at the backs of people's heads as they quietly converse and greet one another. Whenever I see a crowd of people, I always scan, looking for him. But I never find him. I do it more out of habit now rather than looking for him.  
  
Morning, Dana, someone behind me says.  
  
I turn around. My friend Maureen, another single mother, is sitting in the pew behind me.  
  
Hi, Maureen, I say with a smile. Is Sarah singing this morning?  
  
  
  
Maureen's daughter, Sarah, is seven. She's a couple years older than Lauren, but the two of them are inseparable.  
  
Maureen and I talk for a while before church begins. About halfway through the service I find myself scanning the congregation again. *Dana, you know you won't find him. He's gone now.* I remind myself this almost daily, but I never seem to listen. Probably because deep down in my heart, I still think I'll find him someday. I want to find him, alive, but I don't know if I ever will.  
  
This is probably how he felt all those years about his sister... and when he finally found out she was dead...   
  
I close my eyes and say a silent prayer. *Please God... help me to find him someday... I don't know what to do without him...*  
  
I reopen my eyes and stare down at someone sitting in a pew downstairs. He has dark hair, and is sitting next to a young child, and beside the little girl is a pretty woman. They don't look very familiar... I wonder if they've been to church here before.  
  
The man turns his head to look at the girl. My jaw drops. Is it him?   
  
It *is* him. Oh, God.  
  
*****  
I feel eyes boring into the back of my head. I want to turn around and see who's looking at me, but I don't.  
  
My daughter taps me on the shoulder. What is it, Katie? I whisper.  
  
Daddy, what's this word? She points to a word in the Bible.  
  
I tell her.   
  
She turns around and faces forward, looking bored.  
  
I glance at my wife, and she looks at me and smiles. I smile back after a small hesitation. Something is making me feel... I don't know. Uncomfortable. I close my eyes and remember something I'd heard, years ago:  
  
If he ever sees her again, he'll remember everything... We can't let him remember.  
  
I don't know what the men--the doctors--were talking about, but I'm almost positive it was about me. At that time, I didn't remember anything... but I had been fed about my wife, and about my daughter, who was only a year old or so then. They told me I'd been in a horrible accident. But somehow I don't believe them anymore.  
  
I don't know what is true anymore. I don't think I love the woman that I call my wife. I've never really remembered anything myself. Everything I know is what they told me. And what the doctors said, even though it didn't make sense then, makes more sense now. They wouldn't let me remember.   
  
Who is she? Who is the woman that will make me remember everything? How will I know who she is when I see her?  
  
I have to stop worrying about this. If my wife knew how much I was worrying, what would she think?  
  
I shudder. Maybe she's in on it too.  
  
Or maybe I'm just really paranoid.   
  
Whatever it is, I have to stop thinking about it.  
  
I look down at my order of worship. The children's choir is singing today. I go down the list of names, and see one that looks familiar. Lauren Scully. Why is that name, Scully, so familiar to me? I don't know anyone by that name.  
  
Church finally ends, and my wife comes over and takes my hand. Fox, what's wrong?  
  
I hesitate again. Then I say, I smile at her, and take Katie's hand, and we walk out of the sanctuary.  
  
*****  
I wonder if it was really him? It looked like him... but then again, I'd been thinking about him, so I could have simply wanted to see him so bad that I just did.  
  
I walk to the music room and pick up Lauren. On my way out, I run into someone.  
  
Oh, I'm sorry, I say turning around.  
  
Oh, my God.  
  
*****  
I accidentally bump into someone. I turn to apologize.  
  
I begin, but I stop. I look at the woman for a moment. She looks so familiar. She stares at me, her mouth hanging open slightly.  
  
I try to figure out who she is, and suddenly I see  
  
*A woman introducing herself to me in a small office*  
Agent Mulder, I'm Dana Scully...  
*The woman in the trunk of a car, looking terrified*  
*The woman in a hospital bed, unconscious*  
*The woman crying about her sister's death*  
*The woman telling me she has cancer*  
Mulder, I can't kid myself. People live with cancer. They carry on, and so will I.  
*The woman crying at her daughter's funeral*  
*The woman... and me... in a hospital waiting room, kissing*  
Happy new year, Mulder.  
*Holding the woman in a hallway, and telling her I don't want to lose her*  
I won't let you go alone...  
  
I blink, and realize why the name Lauren Scully sounded so familiar.  
  
I manage to choke out.  
  
*****  
I whisper, feeling myself shaking. Oh my God... I thought I'd never see you again! I throw myself into his arms, and start to sob.  
  
Oh, God, Scully... they... they lied to me... they never told me...  
  
Told you what?  
  
I didn't remember anything... I remember everything now...  
  
A woman walks up. Fox? What are you doing?  
  
Mulder pulls away from me. You lied to me, he says to the woman.  
  
Darling, what are you talking about?  
  
You know exactly what I'm talking about. You know everything. You didn't want me to remember what really happened...  
  
The woman looks worried. She looks down at the child she's holding by the hand, and then turns and rushes away.  
  
Something clinks on the ground as she runs off. Mulder stoops and picks something up. He scowls down at whatever he's holding in his hand, and shakes his head.   
  
They told me that woman was my wife, he says softly. After I was returned, they didn't tell me anything... I didn't remember anything. They said if I saw you again, I'd remember... and I remember everything now.  
  
I lick my lips nervously. Then I look down at Lauren, who's hiding behind me shyly. Mulder... this is... this is my daughter, Lauren.  
  
Mulder kneels down to Lauren's level. Hi, Lauren. I'm Fox, I'm your Mommy's friend.  
  
I sigh, not knowing what to tell him. Lauren glances up at me, and then smiles at Mulder shyly. she says.  
  
He smiles back and then stands up. He takes my hand. Come on. Let's get out of here.  
  
I nod again, and we walk out of the church together.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Mulder and I go to a small coffee shop near the church. Lauren comes with us, but sits with a small group of children who are listening to the owner of the coffee shop read a story aloud.   
  
I sit across the table from Mulder, drinking my coffee silently. Then Mulder speaks up. Your daughter is beautiful, Scully.  
  
Thank you... she's getting so big. I smile as I watch her across the room.  
  
He starts to say something, but doesn't. He just stares at me, and then looks at my hands. Are you married? he finally asks.  
  
I say softly. I gaze at him, and he looks up at me, into my eyes.   
  
Then... who's... who's her father?  
  
I lick my lips and shake my head. You introduced yourself to Lauren as Fox, I whisper. He looks up at me quizzically. But you're not... not to her, at least.  
  
Are you saying...  
  
She's our daughter, Mulder, I say quietly.  
  
*Our* daughter? he repeats.  
  
I nod. I... I found out I was pregnant right after you were abducted... she's your daughter, Mulder.  
  
She... whoa... Mulder stares at her for a second, and then turns back to me. I'm sorry, Scully...  
  
For what?  
  
For being gone for so long... for not remembering you...  
  
It's okay. My eyes fill with tears, and I takes his hand across the table. I speak slowly, trying not to cry. You're here now. You remember now.  
  
He leans across the table. I remember how much I love you now, he whispers.  
  
I... I love you too, Mulder... I always have. The tears fall down my cheeks. Oh, God, I missed you so much...  
  
He nods and starts to say something else, but Lauren bounces up. she cries, hugging me. I hug her back, not letting go of Mulder's hand. Can we go now? she asks me.  
  
I glance across the table at Mulder. You ready? I ask. He nods. Do you... um... where do you live?  
  
Just outside town... but I know if I go there, everything will be gone. He looks torn. I don't know what to do... I don't want to go back there. Can...  
  
I nod, biting my lip. Of course you can stay with us, I answer his unasked question. I want you to stay with us, I add in a whisper.  
  
He nods, and we walk out to the car.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I pull the car into my driveway and glance again at Mulder in the passenger seat. He looks back at me, and then smiles. Come on, I say, getting out of the car. Lauren gets out and follows us inside.   
  
Lauren says, pulling on my blouse.   
  
I look down at her. What, sweetie?  
  
Is he gonna live with us now? she asks, pointing at Mulder.   
  
I look up at him. He doesn't say yes. But he doesn't say no either. I turn back to Lauren and reply, I think so sweetie. Come on. You need a nap.  
  
she cries. She yawns, and says, I don't wanna go sleep. I'm not tired. She yawns again. I carry her upstairs to her room. I tuck her into bed. She mumbles something about not being sleepy again, but her eyes close. She's almost asleep already. Before I leave the room, I hear her clearly say, I like him, Mommy.  
  
I smile at her, and say, Yeah. I do too.  
  
I walk back downstairs and find Mulder standing where I left him. This is so weird, I say, taking his hand and leading him into the living room.  
  
*You're* telling me it's weird. Imagine remembering everything you'd forgotten and told not to believe for seven years of your life--and *then* you tell me what's weird. He smiles a little bit, and we sit down on the couch. So, what have you done for the past five years? he asks.  
  
I moved here when Lauren was born, I reply. I... I couldn't stay in Washington... I didn't want to work on the X-Files without you there. It wasn't right. So I moved out here and became a doctor. I never stopped looking for you, though.  
  
He nods. It's strange... I always knew something was wrong since I... since I woke up after the abduction. The woman who I thought was my wife was there, and the baby... I didn't remember anything then. They *told* me things about my life,' who I was, what I did... they gave me a new identity, more or less. But I knew something was wrong... something was missing. He reaches around his neck. he says, taking off a gold chain. My necklace, the one I gave to him before he left me. He reaches around my neck and clasps the necklace. I never took it off, Scully. I knew that it was important... I just didn't know why.   
  
Tears well up in my eyes. Oh, God, Mulder, I say, leaning forward into his arms. I start to sob. I missed you... I missed you so much...  
  
I missed you too... I'm here now. I'm here.  
  
THE END  
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notelike ramblings of gaia less:  
yet another religious-based story by me. hmm.. odd. lol. anyway, i know, i know, i write wayyy too many post-requiem stuffs. lol.. i don't know. easy to write. ::shrug:: i haven't written much lately (as of 6 june 2001) but i'm getting to work at a new fic.. so i'll upload that a.s.a.w. :) as soon as written. Hehe. hope you liked.


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